


And I Don't Know If I Can

by Lothiriel84



Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-29
Updated: 2014-04-29
Packaged: 2018-01-21 07:28:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1542575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lothiriel84/pseuds/Lothiriel84
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He would not cry, Martin told himself; he would just lie there in the stifling hotel room, struggling to breathe in spite of the burning pain in his chest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And I Don't Know If I Can

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tracionn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tracionn/gifts).



> The title is a reference to the song _Welcome Home_ by Radical Face.

He would not cry, Martin told himself; he would just lie there in the stifling hotel room, struggling to breathe in spite of the burning pain in his chest. He would keep on breathing, no matter how much it hurt; and maybe, just maybe, if he kept his eyes tightly shut then the treacherous tears wouldn’t fall.

Stupid, that was what he was. Only an idiot would squander his one chance at happiness, all because of his crippling insecurity and general ineptitude at handling any sort of relationship.

He couldn’t blame Douglas for growing tired of the captain's constant need of reassurance about his first officer’s feelings; after three failed marriages one wasn’t really looking forward to a partner that couldn’t seem to trust him, no matter how hard he tried. And while Martin would actually trust Douglas with his life, he couldn’t quite believe that it worked also the other way round.

He was Martin Crieff after all – a small, ginger pilot who had always wanted to fly and yet was barely adequate to do his job. Who would bother to look twice at him, let alone love him?

That was the story of his life, caring for people who would never take him seriously. And now he’d just pushed away the one person that seemed to care for him; the man that was not just his partner, but also his co-worker and the only friend he’d ever had.

His heart lurched painfully in his chest when he heard the door creak open. Just his luck, he thought, that their final argument would happen when they were meant to share a room in a cheap hotel that was fully booked up.

He bit his lip and stood perfectly still, hoping against hope that Douglas would believe he was asleep. His breath caught in his throat when he felt the mattress dip under the other’s weight; he stifled a sob and hid his face against the pillow, wishing he could just vanish into thin air.

Then a tentative hand reached for his shoulder, and he couldn’t take it anymore.

“I’m sorry I overreacted,” Douglas murmured softly, his voice barely audible over Martin’s sobs. “I didn’t mean what I said.”

His whole world shrank to the feeling of that hand around his shoulder – warm and gentle and everything that kept him grounded. Douglas was there, and now he could breathe again.

“Hold me. Please,” he begged in a small voice, the pain in his chest eventually subsiding as he found himself in a tight embrace. A warm breath tickled his neck, lulling his exhausted mind to sleep.


End file.
